Live blog master chef:

- And once again it is another episode from the ever popular master chef series, now we're into the quarterfinals! If you can remember who the contestants are, please post them up because I have no clue!

- intro comes on with the woman who wants to be a man, well sounds like it, where do the bbc find these people?

Quickly moves onto the two fat 'master chefs' talking about how "everyone is going to be 'stunning' and 'brilliant'," Christ, I reckon they would eat each other if they seasoned each other appropriately

- Introduction of the first dish; pan-fried Salmon, looks tasty. bald fat guy says it has to be crispy, not that he would care.

- Bring on the dramatic music, because cooking is tense after all! Que the montage of Steve cooking, it looks so good!

I can't help but feel they cut out the boring parts, I wonder if it shows them washing up all their dishes afterwards?

-Here comes the judging. With a prod and poke of the Salmon the two men don't look so impressed. Slow Piano music in the background, IT'S ONLY COOKING!

- Next contestant is up, another montage of a 1 hour cook condensed into 30 seconds, talk about fast food.

Cr tics are not so keen. What a surprise they finish the plate anyway. I can't help but wonder who these two 'master chefs' are, I guess the BBC's budget doesn't stretch to Gordon Ramsey or Jamie Oliver.

She has a little sob story, and talks about her family loving her. What does this have to do with cooking? Please, let's get back to what the show is about, If I wanted to watch people open up to their emotions I would've changed over to ITV2 and watched The Jeremy Kyle Show.

- Thank you, more cooking commenses. Scallops with pork, sounds yummy.... Don't under cook those scallops Tim!

Dramatic music after the 30 second montage, what is with the BBC these days? Appealing to the art students with all these montages, they are a minority you know....

- WOW, the judges love it. Upbeat piano music. Damn, this programme is cheesy, ha get it? There goes my one-liner of the night.

- Wannabe man starts introducing the next contestant. How many contestants are there, and how many want to wear glasses? Not that I have anything wrong with people wearing glasses, I actually wear them myself... Anyway back with the blogging.

- Oooo, the judges are 50/50 what a surprise. That's 50% already in their stomachs, and 50% unsure if it's edible, I guess you'll find out in a few hours boys.

That's a point, I wonder if these judges take Rennies in between judging the contestants?

Hmmm, actually I would rather not think about that..

I'll veer back on track.

- Introduction of next contestant... I didn't realise advertising executives could cook, an interesting career change? Oh look, another montage.

The thing that really gets me about these montages is the BBC's inability to make them look interesting, they might as well show some fat guy flipping burgers in the back of Burger King (A little bit of free advertising for you there BK, you can post my cheque to ER18 8TY).

I'll give you a tip. This is a cooking programme, people want to see how things are being cooked so they can Jamie Oliver it back at home, so make the cooking snippets longer!

- is it just me, or does that look like someones smeared Branston pickle over a piece of salmon? Obviously not, because the judges seem to like it.

Urgh, does anyone hate pickle as much as I do?

- New contestant can't mix flavours. Errr, good luck cooking then.

Does the bald guy really have to get his nose in so close? I mean come on she doesn't want to flavour her fish with your snot, idiot.

I love how they nail a dish in 3 mouthfuls, this is why third world countries are starving people.

- Now to the judges discussing amongst themselves about how well each contestant did. I predict this will take a while, how many contestants were there? 1,2,3,4,5....6? Jeeees

Wow the guy with hair has a big mouth, and the volume which comes of it is just as large as well; was he in Haiti when the earthquake happened by any chance?

-Decision time people.... Dramatic music please! (A drum role would've been better I think)

I'll do it myself,

tatatatatatatatatattatatatatatat, clang (symbol).

-The two ladies are down! unlucky girlie's...... Oh no, not Steve! I vaguely liked him, don't ask me why.... Hmmm, his glasses look alright, there you go.

- Wow this programme shoots through fast, but onto the next phase!

- One hour to cook what they want, sounds good..

- First woman goes with a simple dish to bring out flavours. Judges question what she is cooking, obviously she is a woman after all (first sexist comment of the blog!)...

I bet they'll still eat it...

- Will is putting his all into this, apparently he hasn't got enough time, I've got a funny feeling he'll be okay.

Is anyone else getting sick of this stupid montage music? where do they get this stuff?

-Ha the "the first rule of cookery is, you have to be able to eat it." Quote of the series.

Typically they both like the desserts.

-Tim receives a down to earth talk from fat guy #1, who doubted him at first. Fat guy #2 doesn't like too many flavours, errr okay, a bit contradictory being a judge on a cookery programme no?

-It seems to be between Will and Dr Tim. Apologies girl but under cooking meat means you can't eat it, gotta remember that first rule of cooking.

The two judges talk amongst themselves again, you can see their mouths watering just thinking about food.

They gather the contestants for their verdict..... And...

TIM,

- They play a bit of muse, why muse? ching their champagne glasses and cut to the manly woman talking about next weeks show. I can't wait, see you there!